Possibility

I’m reading a book, recommend by Zachy G.

“Wild Goose Chase” By Mark Batterson.

 

I’ve read 86 pages and mid sentence stopped to write this short but profound thought.

 

Know that anything is possible. That’s it. That’s all I really have to say. I can go further into that by saying that nothing is too big for God, nothing is outside his jurisdiction, nobody is out of his control. etc. I can go further into that idea by saying that God our creator is so much larger and more able than we, His creation will ever be. I can go further into that by saying a hundred different things- that’s not the point.

 

The point is that you and I need believe that anything is possible. Next time you dream something or think something make note of what limitations are in play and consciously counter those with God. Make this a habit. Transform your mindset from logic to faith.

 

As Batterson said, “change of place + change of pace=change of perspective”.

 

 

Silly Moses

So you might think this is dumb, i don’t care. I think it’s great and this is my blog! Haha.

Remember the story of the burning bush? When Moses is out and about doing his thing, tending to his sheep and then WHOAH. There’s a bush on fire, but it’s not burning. Moses like any good man would want to know how that’s working. I would set myself on fire if could find a way to not burn, it’d be the coolest trick.

God is in the bush and He tells Moses to take off his sandals. Moses does so (don’t argue with a flaming plant). Then God tells Moses to throw his staff to the ground, Moses does so (again, don’t argue the flaming plant). The staff turns into a snake and Moses runs away. He probably squealed like an adolescent child.
Hahahaha.

I can picture that so clearly and it’s hilarious. Moses this guy who is iconic to the old testament runs away, scared silly when his staff turns into a snake.

Then God tells him to pick it up and the joke is over.

Silhouette.

Passion, heart, and conviction

Buried in this silhouette of me.

 

Dreams, desires, and longings

Dripping under the weight of routine

 

Hope, joy, and faith

Grass growing through pavement.

 

Love

Taking the exit with no sign.

Thank you, Tam.

http://pugener.wordpress.com/. That’s where I read this verse. This verse is what’s bringing about these thoughts. You can follow Tam, she’s grateful for things.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:13-16

I opened my Bible right after reading these few verses and read through all 11&12. It’s very thought provoking. It goes on about how all of these people in the bible have been promised things by God but didn’t actually receive what had been promised until Heaven. “…admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on Earth”

Chapter 12 will probably ring some bells for you… “Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith”. 12 is more about discipline, receiving, submitting, embracing, changing.

This verse has a unique importance in my heart as of late and as this concludes, I just wanted to share it with you. Thank you Tam for sharing it with me.

There is Joy in Knowing

Part II.

 

 

Yesterday, I had breakfast with my parents and was discussing with them all I’ve been writing on here. They also are in an interesting place, I’ll spare you their details. 

 

I was encouraging them that this uncomfortable place we’re all in, knowing that there is more than what we are experiencing, is the road to seeing God’s faithfulness in full glory. Then I continued on, more excitedly, that there will come a time in our lives, where this place of unknowing and asking and waiting and wanting and continuing the daily grind will lead to joy in knowing that God will bring about an even greater blessing than the last. 

This notion is one that only exists in my head. I have yet to experience it and know it in my heart.

But like every other covenant God’s given and been faithful too, He promises to give lead us to the promised land as long as we follow with out whole hearts.

 

 

 

Here we are. My mom. My dad. Kelsie. Me. I could go on. We are all here. Following. Waiting to feel that joy that we know is true. 

 

There is Pain in Knowing.

Yesterday I sat on my kitchen floor crying. My wife sat next to me. 

 

I had been a Grumpy Little Panda (shout out to Jimbob Raub) for the last couple of days struggling with being unusually selfish and desiring to sin. Have you ever felt a desire to sin? Not even to get the benefit of the sin, but just to do it?  I think that happens when we become restless and we don’t know how to handle what we feel. I can tell you that is what happens to me. 

 

My wife and I have this dream of a life not driven by schedules, seemingly vain work, and responsibilities that we find ourselves in only so that we can allow ourselves other unrelated freedoms. I will say that working a job to provide for your lifestyle and your dependents is a good thing to do. I don’t recommend quitting your job and letting your wife and kids starve. Actually, I recommend not doing that. What’s been on my heart is a dream of a life that has every action built on one purpose; to love.

I believe that my God created me to spent every waking moment sharing His love, both through investing in myself and in every other person I have contact with. I don’t believe God’s intent was to have me and my wife each working 45 hours a week doing something that neither of us really feel God intended for us to do but which allows us to live life and allows us the freedom to do things we are genuinely interested in. 

 

I had been grumpy and not Nate-like because the weight of this dream, being something that in the very least is far from today and is still a questionable reality, had been too much for me to handle alone. I sat on my kitchen floor crying because I was overwhelmed with a desire to live a life that I really feel with all my heart is closer to the heart of Christ than this current life. 

 

As I let those desires surface and accepted that what I want is to spend every waking moment with my wife, living off the Earth our God has given us, serving each person that we encounter, opening our home to those who need refuge and those who have lost hope, praising God every morning with a walk through his creation, distancing myself from societies priorities and going back to how it once may have been (this doesn’t mean throwing my phone into a lake or smashing my computer, It means removing trivial and vain entertainment from our lives. It means focusing on making ourselves more free to do as He calls) I found relief. I recognized this dream was planted inside of me by the Holy Spirit of God and that all I needed to do was say “I accept”. Now I’ll be guided in every step I take. 

 

Knowing that there is a life that feels more correct than this current life hurts. It’s painful to think that what I’m doing now feels useless. Good news- it’s not. God didn’t create us to place us at the finish line. He created us and set us at the start. It’s our time to journey through this life and once we reach the finish line, through his good graces, He will take us home again. God has me here for a reason. The principle of doing everything that I do unto His glory and with every ounce of my ability has taught me something in every stage of life i’ve been in and will continue to do so going forward. 

 

I hope to find myself in this place more and more frequently as my days add up. I also hope that the feeling turns from pain to joy. It is going to require a mindset shift. I will need to change my mind from immediately blaming myself and others for the place I am in and instead find joy in trusting that God will deliver me from this place to the next place, which just to state- he has done faithfully for 22 years. 

 

 

There is no shame in Christ. There is no pain in Christ. There is no loss in Christ.

 

There is hope. There is a future. There is a plan for you, says the lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

My tears have dried and my heart has been lifted. If your eyes are watering, let yourself be lifted up.

If your eyes aren’t watering yet, when they do, remember the words spoken to you today. 

Awareness.

I was just looking through a dust filled chest of archived moments from days ago. http://nforte.blogspot.com/ 

I wrote with an odd awareness,considering I was 17/18. An awareness of the standards I was meant to live with and an uncomfortable knowing of the standards I lived in. 

My first thought in reading older writings is to say, “What happened to how I write? Before, it was so… compelling? Or raw? Different…” Then I realized the whole standard thing… I’m now living up to par with those standards. I’m far from perfect but surely I’ve made progress.

So when I think about my writing now, I run out of words to write. I don’t really have any thoughts. It’s too soon. Like a joke about something bad that just happened in that ever too familiar cringing tone of voice that causes you to immediately regret what you had just said. It’s too soon to learn about myself from this blogs writings.

I do feel as if I’ve lost some of my writers flare. As I recount most of the blogs I’ve written, at least recently, I’ve been searching for truth. For answers. For pure love. For the kingdom of heaven. Don’t know it’s book worthy material like I’d once hoped. But it’s my journey.

Thanks for accompanying, this may get more exciting eventually*

 

 

 

 

 

*Note those two words: maybe. eventually. 

A little update.

Hello!

I hope all is faring well in each of your lives. It’s Sunday night here in Rochester, NY. The sun is setting in a cold, rainy, upstate NY fashion. I just picked up some groceries for the upcoming week while my wife is with her family seeing the Broadway show Jersey Boys.  

I am listening to Birdy. She is most famous for her covers. Currently playing is 1901, originally by Phoenix. If you listen to it, you will find peace for at least a moment. 

The last few weeks have been exciting in that plans gone awry but potentially for the best, kind of way. 

Read my prior blogs for more on that insight. Now I’m sitting. Listening to Skinny Love. Wondering what to do with each new day. I’m living a life that feels as if it’s nothing more than a bridge to another life. My work, some of my relationships, my possessions,and my priorities will experience a violent shift once my heart lands somewhere and lets its feet sink in. See, I chose this life because it allowed me to begin the life I have with my wife, a life I wouldn’t trade for the entire world. I chose this life because it allowed me to step forward as man and as person. Now that I have this life, I see it’s holding me back from living the life I have dreamed up with my wife, since I’ve been in this new life. There came a point where I had to decide if this life had to go or if that dream had to go.

Then I chose to begin to make decisions to ween myself out of my consumerism and reliance on things out of my control and begin to work my way into sustainability and reliance on a community.

 

Now that I’m in process, I have found myself against a very very very very large wall of impatience.restlessness.anxiety.frustration.unhappiness.disappointment. 

 

The life I long for is possible. It is coming but is not here. I continue to work my job. I continue to follow current priorities. 

This is where I am. I struggle each day to be engaged in my current reality while all the while becoming present in my future. 

 

God’s timing is never off. 

I have never been let down by Him. 

His promises are true. 

I’m knocking and waiting to see which door opens.

I’m seeking and rubbing the sleepies out of my eyes so I’ll be ready to find. 

I’m believing and expecting.

I’m trusting this notion known as the Holy Spirit. 

 

 

 

 

Even in my unknowing, I’ll ask you to believe that there is a purpose for your life. Hold onto hope. 

 

 

The Chasm

Me week has begun without me.

 

This weekend was eye-opening (be sure you’ve read my last post before you continue with this one). Now that this weekend is over, the week has begun and I’m afraid I’m still in Saturday afternoon. 

 

The fish hook is holding me from floating downstream. All my weight is being held back by an almost invisible thread. The simple thing to do, since this hook isn’t going away, is to swim upstream and alleviate the pressure. The problem is, I need to learn how to swim first. Then, upon learning to swim, I’ll follow this fishing line back to its caster and politely request to be removed. 

 

This is how I feel in life. Like this thought has caught my brain in such a way that it’s not letting go. This thought that perhaps I’m missing the point. This thought that says perhaps I don’t need to take so many steps to get to my destination. 

Now that I have an idea of where to go, I need to learn how to get there. That’s fine.

It’s the struggle in the meantime. It’s the frigid water rushing over me. It’s the monotony before the freedom. It’s the months of work that lay ahead of me and before my dream. 

 

This chasm is one that divides will. My will to live a purposeful life grows and grows and my will to continue the ‘mundane’ divides and disappears. There is an answer to this wonder. It’s to set my eyes upon the hand of God and watch intently for He will work in and through all things done in His name. 

I can fix computers in His name. I can walk my dog in His name. I can love my wife in His name. I can be a friend in His name. I can brighten my co-workers days in His name. 

I will do the things I do in His name and I will do them to my utmost, all the while praying to move forward. 

 

 

 

I will not allow this chasm to split me like it has already tried to do. 

Due Date

I’m imagining that what i’m feeling now is similar to what most babies feel at 8mos and 30 days. 

I want out. 

Kelsie and I had an afternoon date with a good friend yesterday and what was going to be a time to catch turned into something that lodged a fishhook in the corner of my chapped lips and is being pulled by a blade on a blender.

What if life wasn’t like… this.  

Social media frenzies. Nikes. New ‘i’ devices. Clothing that’s been cycled through it’s 40 year routine. Cell Phones. Cars with wheels bigger than toddlers. Ibuprofen. Computers that have backlit keys so we can type in the dark (like i’m doing right now). 401K’s. Credit cards. Gas prices. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Think about how Jesus would live on this Earth. None of those things I just mentioned exist in my imaginations depiction of Christ. All of these things exist in my day-to-day life. I won’t go and say they’re all necessarily wrong. But can you argue that they bring about wrong? Have credit cards not led to greed? Has high fructose corn syrup not unnecessarily worn on this temple of Christ?

What if you decided to not take part in any of it. What if you decided to step back several leaping bounds. What if you made up your mind to live on what you need and to not take any more- even if you make more to give it away.

What if your 401k was your relationship with your children?

What if your credit card was your community?

What if we all took our efforts as individuals and pooled them into a collective? Wouldn’t we be so much better off?

Assuming of course that we’re all perfect and honest and selfless. No, but assuming that God’s grace exists.

I’m kicking. 

I’m begging to be let out. Every mother knows it’s not about deciding when to go into labor. It’s about being prepared for when the baby decides it’s time. 

It’s time.

I hope my crib is ready. I hope I’ll be fed. I hope there will be somewhere to sleep. I hope I won’t regret staying in my warm, safe, sometimes bumpy, womb.

My due date has come.

I don’t know what’s next. But it’s up to me. I’ve grown and matured and now it’s time to move out. It’s time to start this.

I believe that there is an alternative to the problem and list of solutions provided to me.

I believe I’d like you to come with me as I journey.