Soaked.


When’s the last time you have let the rain soak you?

How long has it been since you went outside in the pouring rain, lifted your eyes to the sky, and laughed while your spine sent chills up and down your spinal cord.

First you feel the drops on your face- eyes blinking and forehead twitching with every drop.

Then your shoulders start to feel the weight of the water absorbed into your shirt.

Then your chest is heavy with layers of water-saturated cotton.

There comes a point in becoming soaked, in which you fall to the ground

It’s almost inevitable. The only other option is running about jubilantly.

When your knees hit the moist earth your head is destined to drop, your hair sweeping the grass

Bending forward, prostrate, you realize your wallet is soaked and that therein is $100 in cash

It’s too late to fix. Damage is done. Why go inside now?

You get a text and your phone vibrates. You don’t care to read it.

Throw it straight up and close your eyes, to more closely hear it smack against the ground.

Your hands have mud on them from pounding the earth in an emotional frenzy.

Mud is like liquor. The first sip/mud is so easily followed by a second and third.

It was your hands, now it’s your whole body. You’re laying in a puddle. Face turned toward the faucet you cry because no one can see. The tears don’t scare you because you can’t tell them from the rain.

You cry for hours. The rain won’t relent. Your eyes are so full of water they start absorbing it. The salt burns at first, then the burning is overcome by the pains of swelling.

You lose your vision and you are dizzy.

The world seems to be shaking like a rowboat in a hurricane.

You think you’re falling but you can’t tell what’s actually happening.

You are scared and you don’t handle fear very well.

Days later you wake and your eyes are sealed shut.

It feels like tar but it’s days of still.

You feel a stick and you begin to scratch. You need to see to be.

Right now you feel invisible. You feel unreal. You feel alone and you feel like this is impossible.

It doesn’t take long before you pry an eye open.

The sun has been buried and your eyes are able to see.

You think it’s a hole. You think it’s far beneath the surface.

Lay back down in desperation, this place is barren.

Questions stream into your mind and you are scared.

You don’t deal well with fear. You are weeping now.

Now you are weeping and you are falling faster.

This hole is deepening every second.

Close your eyes/ wake up/ snap out of it.

You command yourself to do things you haven not been taught.

Anger has ceased your expression and tears flow no more.

Now you are still. The sinking has stopped and you’re eyes are both open, focused, and vengeful.

You are screaming for revenge on the monster that brought you to this depth.

You feel empowered to demand and you are let down.

No change is made.

You can’t change something if you don’t know what something is.

Search every memory and every experience for a something with motive

You find nothing and your rage explodes.

Tears again, falling again.

Now you know a trend

Your tears make you fall.

You’re in shock. You don’t understand. Nothing feels right. Nothing makes sense.

You sit for days.

You don’t move.

You don’t blink

You don’t urinate.

You deny the possibility of yourself as perpetrator.

You lie to yourself.

You live life.

 

 

Now you know the truth.

Now you must make a choice.

What do you do with truth? Do you pretend you don’t know? Do you embrace it like a mother her newborn babe?

 

Years later, and you have done both. You switch between mindsets.

The hole is deep the whole is shallow the hole is deep the hole is shallow.

 

You’re soaked with the rain

You’re soaked with the tears

You’re soaked with pain

You’re soaked with fear.

 

 

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