I feel like I’m remembering a fervor I once literally lived on. This return has mixed feelings.
I’m remembering a time when I used to spent my nights and days awake, restless, searching, hoping, straining, seeking. I remember building relationships through desperation and through sky high standards. I remember the feelings of discouragement and of pride.
My circumstances have changed and these feelings as they were once felt aren’t necessarily appropriate, though also not necessarily inappropriate.
The feelings can be felt but through a much narrower window and with a much milder force.
The idea that God has called us towards so much more than we’ll ever find drives me. It shoves me into a barren land that I’m either not fond of or am too fond of. The promise that if we ask we will receive presents a terrifying reality. The potential for inexpressible happenings is endless and is present. The capacity for human failure to intervene is also so great that it’s the reason potential is poured over and covered forever.
I truly believe in the word of God as real and to be applied to my life. I take God for exactly what He said. I want to ask and without hesitation expect response. I want to request and receive His blessing without rational thought interrupting that I don’t deserve it. I want to confess and be forgiven as well as shame free. I want to declare and not have to have a defense. I want to live my life transformed and with a renewed mind. One that doesn’t match up to what the rest of the world I’ve seen is doing. One that shows that God stands behind His word and that He is faithful and loving.
I am scared beyond imagining about what my desires and my wants will come too in this life. I could theorize forever and never guess what God has in store for me and my family. I promise you that it’s going to be beautiful. I promise you we’ll need your shoulders to lean on and your hearts to share with, but that we’ll impart a hope and a dream deeper and truer than you knew you could feel and all because of the love we’ve experienced through Christ Jesus and His children across the earth.
As we learn to love, let us love you,
Though we live through trouble, let us never doubt.
When we get sidetracked, welcome us back on course.
“Failure is the evidence of advancement.”
“Success is like a pointilist painting; up close it’s a bunch of failures but the farther away you are from it, the clearer and more beautiful it is”