The fight for discipline.

I often find myself contradictory.

I desire free will, freedom. An absence of responsibility. Without commitments. Able to do as I please.

I also desire structure, routine. A plan. Agendas. Consistency. A disciplined lifestyle.

A life where I wake up early because I want to be ready for every opportunity that comes my way.


My ideal life would be one full of structure and routine, but both of which I’ve chosen through my free will.

I would live in a cabin. I’d be a writer. I’d be up at 6am every day. I’d let my dog out in the backyard (a mountainous sight) and sip a nice cup of freshly brewed black coffee, with some grinds. I’d be standing there in an old pair of worn out Levis, my beloved slippers, and some slightly oversized wool sweater which doesn’t get washed often as it should. like my jeans. I’d go back inside, scramble 4 eggs for myself and 2 for my wife. We’d each have 2 pieces of wheat toast and we’d sit and talk for a while. The dog would be inside again, but now we’d go back outside for a hike. I’d get geared up and would go for a mile or two not on any path but straight into the heart of the woods, exploring, learning, feeling small. Eventually we’d get home, I’d shed my snow covered layers, light a fire in the wood stove, sit in my chair with my macbook and write a story. Every day. Then my wife and I would sit and read fictional novels from millenniums past. This would be a life of discipline and of daily routine. But all of which we’ve chosen.



I fight discipline because the order in my life has been imposed by several needs for survival which I don’t know how else to satisfy, yet. I fight this routine because it’s not one I’ve chosen. Does this make it okay? Does it really matter whether I’ve chosen the discipline or not?

Is discipline about what’s causing the order/routine/structure OR is discipline about development, about growth, about the human need for being kept accountable to something?



This human condition… How far have we strayed from design? What was the design? What remains from that design?

How do we get  back?

Jesus. Simply follow Jesus.




See where I am in 10 years. Look at my life and decide if following Jesus helped.


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